Robbed of laughter from a pounding thief,
whose only prize is to see me doubled over
with my palms pressed against my eyes.
Anything to help alleviate the pain.
Still having a voice yet feeling voiceless.
Each increasing octave is like an assault
against the brain: crack, thud, bang!
No more bar room stages,
15 minutes of Friday fame,
my carpool catharsis has suffered cardiac arrest.
Let’s not forget basic bodily functions, no!
There’s the buckshot cough,
spraying across my brain as I clear my throat.
Then there’s the suicide sneeze,
making me contemplate death
as a means to escape the inevitable excruciation.
And finally, the triple crown champion of cranial hell:
using the goddamn the bathroom.
That’s it. Nothing special.
Just sitting on the toilet
or standing to take a piss.
Left in the waiting room
with no signs of my number being pulled.
No relief behind doors 1 through Z.
Please keep the lights dim
and the muzak low.
Kenny G gives me a fucking headache.